ART it is NOW!
Soon I will posed a collection of some of my paintings here. They were done while I went through years of my recovery from the Traumatic Brain Injury.
Here a little about their back ground.
Movement and dance used to be my passion and my outlet to express what words could not say. They used to be my daily personal “hygiene” that kept me balanced, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Due to the impact of the accident I no longer could use my body in that way. Little by little my body refused to dance, moved less, more slowly, and felt fragile all the time. I could no longer understand my body. The loss was devastating since my whole identity, work, hobbies, friends, sense of self and self worth, joy and pleasure were all wrapped around this physical life. Dance was my way to connect to spirit and was the moment I felt the most alive! I could not force my body to do what I wanted it to do.
From the outside I looked like all was fine. This loss I experienced was heartbreaking for many years as it is still to some extent. Since I no longer had this physical outlet, energy started to build up in my body and with that frustration and aggression. The anger turned inward and into depression. Often when I felt trapped in my body, I forced it to move like it use to. With the result that I would injure myself. I had to find another outlet for this life force running through me.
Now living with a compromised brain I had to find another outlet to deal with the changes and the losses. I started to paint. I never had any formal training but I discovered quickly how therapeutic it was. Often I did not like what I saw on the paper since it mirrored the state I was in, disoriented, confused, isolated, at loss, depressed or angry.
At times, after days spent in nature, soaking in hot springs, resting, being quiet and moving slow, I loved what surfaced on the paper. Now these paintings bear witness, are a testimonial of my journey of healing. An honest mirror of the challenges I went through.
At the time, I did not honor my struggle, was hard on myself and not forgiving. Through my paintings I found a way to release my feelings of frustration. Now when I look at them, I feel more compassion for myself. They make me realize the severity of the impact of the accident and the impact it had on my life. They also show me that I have come a very, very long way the past 17 years up to now.
